Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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