we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
