I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
