I skipped work to stalk him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
