Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
