Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
