I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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