you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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