Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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