Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
