Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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