You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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