the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish you could order shots online.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
