I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
