I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
