I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
