she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
handjob tips. give me some.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
