I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
