Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
