Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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