I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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