Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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