I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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