I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's the barista slut.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
