Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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