So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NoShamevember. You game?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
