Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and she was petting her beer can
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
