Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
