She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
