If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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