We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
