what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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