I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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