So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
