Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
