just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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