I must be too annoying 4 u.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
