I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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