I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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