My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
