ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
