where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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