on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
