dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
