Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
