i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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