I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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