either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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