weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
