Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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