1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
